Interpersonal Conlicts : Blog post # 2

In this post, I will describe a real situation of inter personal conflict I faced three semesters ago with a project-mate of mine.

Here is the story. It was a group of 6, and on this one occasion in the early stages of the project, we decided to meet at 10 AM on a Saturday! Now, ever since I began university studies, I have had a problem with punctuality. Somehow, I don’t know how it began, but it did, and soon had me in its grasp. So, I went for this meeting 45 minutes late (If you are wondering what kept me … I had overslept… zzzz). My memory informed me that I had been 30 minutes late for the previous meeting as well, and I had used the word “Sorry” on that occasion. I was eeling very guilty and disgusted with myself for being late this time. Thinking that using the word “sorry” again without any shame would constitute an inexcusable abuse of the profound meaning and intentions behind a sincere usage of the word, I instead raised my hands in apology and said, “Look, I know there is no point saying Sorry”, which was meant to indicate that my atrocious behavior could not be rescued by just uttering the word “Sorry” a second time. One of my group mates, whom I shall name X here, seemed to have misunderstood that and immediately told me with words to the effect, “But You are 45 minutes late for God’s sake!” in a rather accusing tone. I immediately sensed that my words were not taken in the way they were meant. But I managed to appease him temporarily and the meeting finished without any vitriolic displays.

I got a better understanding of his sentiments at the next meeting. A light conversation that we were having somehow veered towards my late-coming misdemeanor at the previous meeting. X’s voice rose at that and he said, “It is basic courtesy to say Sorry when you are late for an appointment.” Aha ! So now I had got it. X thought I had been discourteous and perhaps egotistic by not apologizing, when I had actually submitted myself to his capacity to forgive!

My big concern was whether this misunderstanding would come between us and impede group unity and performance. I decided to just be myself and allow our interactions as per my integrity, without going out of my way to try and repair anything between us. I have always believed that two people just being themselves is the ideal formula for a relationship, and I followed it myself, and thankfully, we gelled together through the rest of the project and had a good, effective working relationship. I now have a great deal of respect and admiration for X’s commitment and focus on his work.